"If you see something you do not want to pick up, just leave it, tell me - and I'll decide if I want to pick it up!" says Joel, who runs our expedition to clear plastic and other garbage from the Little Venice Canal. Ten of us are armed with buckets and long grappling claws, as you see them in arcades, which in vain for cuddly toys. I hope I'm more fortunate enough to collect beer cans, old newspapers, plastic bags and whatever else lurks in the algae on this West London canal.
Drive up Harley Street. Photo: Samantha Rea
But despite the chaotic character of our mission, we do not wear overalls. Instead, we're all in sneakers and sneakers because we've just walked three miles to get here - and we'll run back after that. This is because our plog (apparently the term for waste retrieval) is organized by GoodGym, which describes itself as "a community of runners who combine it to get fit and do good".
GoodGym is running well all over London with good deeds. Group events such as these take place weekly in Camden, Southwark, Ealing, Croydon and Greenwich. It's free to join (and you'll get a T-shirt after your first run), though members can optionally pay £ 9.95 a month.
The swarms of buyers seem to evaporate
It's really pretty here. You should go. Photo: Joel Wiles
I meet with the Westminster group whose run takes place every Wednesday. After work, meet in the New Balance Shop on Oxford Street to change and leave your clothes before coach Joel leads the group in the right direction.
After squeezing through the crowd on Oxford Street to come here, I'm skeptical that our run actually starts before the store. Carla, who is also doing this for the first time, tells me that she is not looking forward to running through the crowd - but somehow the shoals of shoppers seem to disappear when we step outside.
Joel distributes pails and sticks. Photo: Samantha Rea
We cross John Lewis and walk up Harley Street towards Marylebone Road and then west. So far, the run offered me the opportunity to feel complacent. My inner voice is like "Am I doing anything at all?? I have to be like an athlete running by accident and finding it so easy. It is surprised how fit you can be, if you only do yoga! "
However, it is probably about this time that I start to find it deeply unpleasant, as it looks like my lungs are about to give in to me. Sheer willpower to save face keeps me on the move, but I really doubt I'll make it to the channel. This run has become the hill on which I will die. Literally. Because I will not stop if I do not die - unless it's a traffic light legit Reason to rest.
"At Easter we gave the homeless hot rolls"
I'm probably trying at this point to drink the dregs from an empty one. Photo: Joel Wiles
I already shook off Emily, who seemed to have the illusion that I could have a conversation while walking. She has been a GoodGym member for a few years now and tells me that she runs these races every two weeks to inspire her to sign up for a 10km race. Their favorite runs are when they distribute food to the homeless, "like at Easter - we distributed hot rolls". Emily asks me if I run a lot. I think it's pretty clear that I'm not doing it. "I'll try to answer Emily." I tell her with what might have been my last breath before falling back to run with Kate and Sylwia making their GoodGym debut tonight.
Kate is an Australian nanny who previously used Meetup to find people to work with, while Sylwia, a Polish scientist, came across GoodGym as she sought active ways to volunteer. "The most important thing for me was the charity work," says Sylwia, adding, "At GoodGym, I like the variety you can do, and you can get started right away, and I had to run again!"
Group Chat! Joel tells us about the good deed of tonight. Photo: Samantha Rea
The three of us are arguing - and this is before we strategically plan to get stuck at two traffic lights. "No, it's dangerous," I say to Sylwia, who looks at me as if we should try.
As soon as we take a breather, we go to the rest of the group, which - at some distance - has stopped and had to wait for us. "What happened?" says Joel, who seems really confused. "Did you get stuck at the traffic light?" he asks and really tries to understand how long it took us to reach her. The rest of the group probably made 200 burpees during that time and organized a gourmet banquet for refugees.
When I empty my bucket, the juice runs over the handle of my bucket
I see a pub on the other side of the canal. Photo: Joel Wiles
Back in the fold, there is nothing but the soldier until we reach the water. Until then, I can not wait to pick up plastic. At this point, if I can stand still while I do it, I record everything. They're showing me the Skagheads' crusted old needles, dirty trousers or human remains where rats have bred - I'll pick up everything with my teeth and say THANK YOU.
We break off in twos and I walk along the canal with Carla, an Australian veterinarian who's here for the social aspect. "I like to run anyway, and doing good is a bonus!" She says. We are armed with the buckets and sticks that Joel gave us from the Canal & River Trust. There are hand sanitizers for later, and there is also a supply of gloves, but Joel advises against wearing them, declaring, "If you wear the gloves, you may be tempted to pick things up with your hands, and you do not know What you do you might touch - if you do not wear the gloves, you will not be tempted to use your hands! "
Safety first! Photo: Samantha Rea
This plog is not an isolated case. Joel brings runners to the waterway about every three weeks, so I trust that he speaks from experience and follows his advice. I regret it when I empty my bucket for the first time as the juice runs over the handle. Old beer, algae aperitif and probably piss are just a few of the ingredients that I now have to touch with my bare hands. But hey ho - the stickiness gives me a better grip and right now I'm just glad I'm not running.
The clogging itself is fine. I've never been to Little Venice, so I enjoy my walk along the canal and am happy to pick up garbage while doing so. I'm not sure how I would feel in winter, but tonight, in sunshine, the place is absurdly pretty, and there's a nice pub that I've clocked for another occasion.
"My first good act was to remove decorations in a retirement home."
Find me? No, that's because I'm not around. Photo: Joel Wiles
Goodgym grabs his entire group in 90 minutes, including the good deed. So it's time to put our buckets down. "Do you want to run back?" Sylwia asks. "Um, I do not think it's optional," I say, feeling sad for both of us. She sets out with Kate and Ellie, who came to GoodGym a few months ago to attend her sister's wedding.
"Interested"I think while I see her go. Then I stand around waiting for the inevitable. "You did not want to go? "Ask Joel, I ask him what he means, because, do not we all run back anyway?" Yes, but they went ahead, so they can run slower. "FUUUUUUCK !!! My whole being fills with a regret, which can only heal a time machine.
I empty my bucket. Photo: Joel Wiles
And so I'm in the fast set, and I do not mean that in the sense of F. Scott Fitzgerald. Suzanne, who is here with David, kindly hangs back to babysit me. She tells me that she did these runs five or six times before, and she enjoys the social aspect as well as someone who motivates her. "I'm not a runner when it comes to running," explains Suzanne, whose first good deed was to remove Christmas decorations in a retirement home while her favorite made up a garage in a youth center.
At some point David and Suzanne turn off to go home, and somehow only myself and Joel are on their way back to New Balance. Despite my sweaty face and my desperate behavior, Joel seems to be suffering from the misunderstanding that I am able to chat, and so he asks me questions like, "What did you think of the volume tonight?" I do not even understand what that means and I think I could cry.
It feels like my lungs are telling me ...
I want one of these running bags. Photo: Joel Wiles
Joel, a daytime running coach, is one of GoodGym's longest-serving coaches. He says it has really grown over the four years that it has done, from about 12 groups when it first started, to the 52 groups that are now doing good deeds across the UK. "When we started, we went faster, but now it's more relaxed for more people to get involved," says Joel, adding that for some activities, people can go there if they want, which means they can help even if they do not want to run.
GoodGym recommends that anyone who enrolls in a group run can walk for 15 minutes without interruption. However, it does provide support to people on this journey and provides introductory sessions for those who are new to running.
I think someone's toilet leaked here. It stank. Photo: Samantha Rea
For those who prefer to walk alone, GoodGym also organizes missionary runs that run to an older person's house to change a light bulb or move furniture, while a coach run includes a weekly run to visit an elderly person to have a conversation .
Back in New Balance, Kate, Carla and Sylwia are on their way out when I arrive. I think Sylwia did take a shower in the time I needed to get here. Would you do it again? All three give me a strong thumbs up and ask me if I would. I'm mumbling something on my hip, but the truth is that I'm pretty happy with myself and maybe sign up again.
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